Alright. I’ve been sitting here the past few months or so,
desperately trying to come up with something to write about. I’ve looked at
movies, imgfave.com, books, and even my friends’ lives to find inspiration..
and then finally, today, Sunday the 20th of May, a light turned on
in my brain. Why are girls so infatuated with the jerk? Why are boys so infatuated with the girl that
treats them like dirt? I think this is human nature’s primary unsolved mystery.
But don’t deny it; everyone has been attracted to that bully at one point or
another. It’s inevitable. And we’ve learned it from day one. In preschool, I had
a massive crush on John Paul, who was nerdy and had glasses, but all the girls
wanted him. He liked my best friend, thus ensuing some desperate and angsty
actions on my part. What did I do after he denied me the role of pirate princess
and handed it over to my best friend? I marched right up to him on the
playground and laid a big wet one on John Paul’s mouth. Needless to say, this
was not the way to go and he ended up hating me even more because of “cooties”
and all that rot. However, we have always been told that boys and girls are
mean to each other at a young age because they LIKE each other. This was very
comforting at the time to hear from our parents, but honestly where did they
come up with this idea? He shoves you into the dirt? He MUST love you, because
clearly love stems from actions of physical abuse. Whether we wanted to believe
this or not, it seems to have carried over to our adult/teen years. Many girls,
myself included, have yearned after the boy that has no respect for you
whatsoever. Could I tell you why we enjoy this misery? Absolutely not. Whoever
figures that out is worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize. But I did realize the
ridiculousness of our actions. We all desire to be wanted, to be loved and
treasured. But this idea flees from our minds if we get just one opportunity to
connect with “the jerk.” Picture this scenario: You’re at a party, looking good
after an hour of getting ready and mentally convincing yourself that you look
great, and there he is. Standing in the corner, is the jerk with his hat on
backwards, dressed up in all his Abercrombie and Fitch glory, probably making a
perverted comment or insulting some innocent girl who happened to make the
mistake of walking past him. You make eye contact and all your confidence and
morals fly out the window, because he’s suddenly looking down on you from his
high horse. And you’re thinking “I don’t care if all I get is one hook up. It
doesn’t matter, because he’s so hot and it’s worth it.” It’ll be fun is what
you’re telling yourself. And heck, it will be fun for the night, but the next
morning all you will feel is heart break and unworthiness, because he deemed
you worthy of his 15 minute attention span. So think about this for what it’s
really worth. Is heartbreak fun? What is fun about only being good enough to
last a part of the night? How is that fun in any way at all? We are desperate
to be loved, to be reassured that we are worthy of attention and it is clear in
our instincts. Even in preschool, when I reached out to that boy, as silly and
stupid as it was, my intention was clear from a young age: “Notice me. Love me.”
And when we are rejected, the first thought is not “oh wow, that guy is a jerk”
but rather “what’s wrong with me? Why am I not worthy?” So I ask this of you.
Ladies, gents (if there are any at this point in time), don’t put yourself
through this agony. Love yourself, because when you love yourself, you are
telling the rest of the world that you are worthy, not just of a night of fun,
but of a lifetime of happiness.
