Spring Cleaning For the Soul

The sun is shining. The birds are 'a chirping. White snow is on the ground. Wait. Hold up. Snow is on the ground? Yes, my lovely readers. Thanks to my parents, I was born in the lovely land of the Midwest, and apparently Kansas (the unpredictable brat, she is) decided to have snow in March. Who knew? March snow brings April showers? This is wishful thinking, people. Anyways... The point is, according to the calendars, spring is here. It's a time for bright colors, flirty skirts, and the good ole Birks to come back out to play. What does spring normally mean? It means that for some reason the hormones are no longer wearing their heavy sweaters that hide all the pudge; no, no. They have shed the comfy clothes, switched to cutesy sandals, and man, are they feisty. I'm not making this up either, people. There is literally a song in Camelot the musical called "The Lusty Month of May." It was created in the 50's or 60's, back when things weren't as openly perverted, but the meaning is obvious.
      There's something about spring that makes you want to change; suddenly you want to do your laundry, to work out, and to chat up that cute boy who just walked past you that you never noticed before. This isn't wrong. It's au naturel. If you don't have crushes on other people, then, quite frankly, I'd say get your head and your hormones checked. Liking people is FUN. Shaving your legs after a long winter is a benefit for you and your friends; getting a haircut is cute; painting those nails according to the new mint trend is chic. However, spring sometimes makes us go a little transformation-happy--when I say happy, I mean like the kind of crazed look Black Friday shoppers get when there is only one special edition Williams Sonoma mixer left. Often times we feel that we need to shed the old winter fat, because, well, the cute gingerbread men might not like us as much as the living men in our lives. Or that we need to change our personality to meet a certain someone's criteria. This is not the desired effect.
      I often say to myself that my loved ones are the main reason I write this blog. It's because of the questions that they ask, the interesting topics that they bring up to discuss, that I write these. I like to call it "second-hand smoke," because a lot of the time, I've never experienced it, but I'm still affected by it, still moved enough to let other people out there know what and what not to do. So lately, the topic among the water hole in which my friends gather, is the discussion on what boys like. It seems that an enormous concern lately, is what kind of girl to be in order to please a guy. Or even what kind of friend to be in order to please a certain kind of person.  Firstly, what kind of person are you? Are you the loud, funny type? Sweet and caring? Smart and quiet? You might ask yourself this every day. You might ask why a guy doesn't like you. From my observations (look at me, I sound like a science major) it seems that each type of girl believes a guy is looking for the opposite of what they are. However, the flaw is in the wording of the sentence; it's blaring out like an angry driver laying on the horn in rush hour. You are not one-dimensional. There is more to you than one aspect; are you funny? Congratulations! Are you sweet? Perfect. Can you be both? Absolutely. Can you be more than two qualities? I would certainly hope so. There is a flaw in our logic. We have been corrupted by the desire to be perfect at a limited amount of things. We have allowed people to only see us as one. But you are so much more than that. I can be funny, in fact I enjoy being that more than anything else. But I also like to listen and care for my friends. I'm trying to show you all that you are so much more than the label that someone may give you. Maybe a guy wants the sweet, quiet type, and you just can't help but whisper your thoughts during a movie. SO WHAT? Don't become something you are not. Maybe a guy wants a really outgoing girl, and you just aren't into jumping in the middle of the dance circle and showing everyone your rendition of the worm. Embrace that. I know numerous guys who have an ideal picture of a woman in their head, and its quite possible that the girls they see only come off in one way. It's quite possible that they will end up with that kind of girl (it's a good thing to set standards). But I think we all can say for certain that life never goes as planned, and God has a more perfect idea set in store for us. 
     The point I'm trying to make here is that it is okay to be the person you are. In fact, you are more perfect that way. I can't say how many times I've stressed that being yourself is important. Yet, I can't say it enough. You will never be that other person, although you probably have some similarities. We've all unfortunately inherited things we cannot erase and some things that are really embarrassing: I manage to break almost every item I own in some way or another. Human beings are sometimes one-sighted, and we only see one part of a person, and figure that's the only part worth understanding. But this isn't true.
    Spring cleaning is a wonderful thing. I know I've got to clean out that black hole I call my closet. And fixing your mindset and soul is even more necessary. We've got things that are rotting, out of date, smelly, and sweaters that cover up the insecurities. Being the pat racks we are, we hold on to the heavy things, and frequently mistake the beautiful, timeless pieces for useless and outdated. This spring, I ask that you take a closer look. Explore new things, check out some new boys, maybe find a little love. But avoid shopping for a new thing that doesn't fit you well. Then maybe, just maybe, if you take my advice, you'll find that timeless dress under a pile of dirty laundry and discover it was truly stunning on you all along.

Cutout Hearts, Chocolates, Chick Flicks, and Cupid's Upgrade

Valentine’s Day. How could I not write about it? It’d practically be a sin not to mention it, especially in my line of business (Business might be a bit melodramatic, considering I don’t get paid and the audience are the friends I pester to read the occasional update). Now I’m not going to completely cover the subject of what to do when single and bitter on Valentine’s Day because today I want to mix it up and focus on a slightly related topic, but I’ll touch base on the day of commercial love.

                The phrase "commercial love" seems to imply that I am as well a bitter woman not receiving any love on Valentine’s Day. Alas, those of you who do hate it will be sadly disappointed; I am an avid fan of Valentine’s Day. Not because I am longing for someone to shower me in roses, but because Valentine’s day, whether or not it is purely to boost the economy by overproduction of chocolates, is a day of love. Without a doubt, I am a sappy romantic.(Gasp..Who knew?!)Scoff at what you will…but just about anybody can sucker me into listening to their romantic affairs. Which is perhaps why I started this blog in the first place. Maybe I’m not exactly experienced in these matters firsthand, but I’ve seen enough and I believe the big man upstairs provided me with some intuition on the business that we call love. Which calls me to the topic of this post…..is the kind of love that movies produce real?

     Picture this Hollywood scenario. Guy meets girl, girl meets boy. Perhaps in a coffee shop, more likely a busy subway or grocery store. They bump into each other and suddenly they know. All’s right with the world, because they’ve finally found the one. And then they fall even more in love with a fluffy montage, run into some complications, and the movie ends with their blissful reunion. I’m not going to deny that Hollywood makes up some pretty cheesy crap. Do I watch a lot of it? Yes. Do I semi-sorta swoon at it? Of course. But what I’ve been wondering as of late is whether or not Hollywood has completely got it wrong. I’m not necessarily saying that they’ve got it all down. The movies tend to show the happy ending only when the couple is just embarking on their life together, so they make it seem like a walk in the park to be in love, when it’s actually quite difficult. But what’s the inspiration for those movies? Can they completely make it up? Somewhere, at some point in time, before the producers sold their souls for the cash flow, one of those script writers was in LOVE. Yes, the gooey kind. The dance around in your room, listen to happy music, smile when you’re thinking about them kind of love. Because you can’t deny that love isn’t real. I believe these movies weren’t always purely created for the purpose of manufacturing for women. Maybe those movies don’t send the best message all of the time; often time’s women feel they need to meet unrealistic standards and are objectified in a terrible way. However, that first initial meeting, when the boy and girl see each other, sparks a kind of feeling we all know. It might not happen instantaneously; love at first sight is still a concept I don’t understand. Yet that giddy feeling that makes us want to go all “Tom Cruise” and run around on Oprah’s couches screaming “I love him, I love him!” is real, and if you’re telling me you haven’t experienced it then I am disappointed that you’re lying to me.

     Have you ever noticed when we watch the movies, we love to analyze them and pick apart every detail, denying why it’s not plausible? (I take part in this just as much as the next girl). But when you think about all your experiences with love, infatuation, or simply liking someone, the random encounters & happenings never make sense. A few weeks ago, my Shakespeare professor said “love is a blind baby with a shotgun.” Odd, I know,(clearly he was talking about Cupid and his arrows, but I guess everybody needs an upgrade) but he’s right. Love is not logical, and you really can’t use reason with it. I heartily recommend some sense and maybe a good friend alongside you to tell you to shut up when you’re going a bit psycho, but you can’t really apply Socrates or Descartes to the matters of love. And if any males do use philosophical argument to woo you, I’d say run as fast as you can (unless they are a philosophy major, which means they can’t help it. It’s nerdy, but cute.) The point I’m trying to make here isn’t that Hollywood has the most accurate portrayal of love; I know it doesn’t. They hardly include ups and downs of being in a relationship, and most of the time love is based on a very superficial foundation. But they do understand that initial feeling, and the reason they make so much money is because they know humans’ innate desire to be wanted and loved.

So ladies (or gentlemen, but I’d be pretty shocked if anyone answered to that name on here), this Valentine’s Day, don’t fret about whether or not you’ve got a beau. Valentine’s Day is a day of love, so shower your friends, family, dogs, cats, and other loved ones with metaphorical roses. Instead of drowning in each other’s misery, pamper yourself with a wine night or something along those lines. Maybe you’ll have homework, or some meeting to go to. The blind baby with a shotgun will aim at you soon enough and then consider your calendar marked full on the 14^th. But this year, with a boyfriend or no boyfriend, love yourself. Because who will if you aren’t willing to?

To Think or Not to Think... That is the question.

Greetings one and all. If there is an all out there? Hello...? Anyone? I kid, I kid. So I have an extra long blog post to make up for the fact that it's been a good 3 or 4 months since I last posted. Enjoy! Thoughts, comments, opinions are mucho appreciated!

What is the root of all evil? Most of you are thinking something along the lines of Satan. This is very correct. Or sin perhaps… which you are also right again. But I believe right up there with the worst evils is "overthinking." Who’s done it? We all have. Without a doubt, I can guarantee you that you’ve done it. If you’re needing a reminder, let me refresh your memory. Today you probably rethought your outfit at least five times. Did you say it was going to be a bum day and that you didn’t care? That’s highly commendable, but how many times did you think about how horrible you looked, who would see you, or what they would think about your outfit? That’s just the first case of overthinking. I think we can all agree that there has been numerous times when you start to completely overthink a situation where absolutely nothing went wrong. Why do women constantly do this? I’m not saying I’m innocent…. I know from firsthand experience that the simplest thing can send us all into a frenzy. If someone doesn’t send back a good enough laugh, maybe looks at you in an indifferent way, or even just says hello in a mild tone, sometimes we go into hyperactive mode, thinking of all the scenarios in the past weeks wondering what could have possibly gone wrong. I’m extremely guilty in this way. I start to wonder if I passed them the salt too slowly or perhaps my last laugh sounded like an elephant getting over a cold. Overthinking creates a huge sense of paranoia and often just makes things worse. The more you think something is wrong, the weirder you begin to act. The weirder you begin to act, the more the other person notices, which just creates an atmosphere of awkwardness and then you’re both sitting there wondering what the hell went wrong and how to fix it. We’ll get to that in a minute. Before that I’d like to address the worst effect of overthinking which is…. (Drum roll please)… comparison.

Oh what a dangerous game to play. But it’s an instinct isn’t it? I think we can all acknowledge that since the age of 5, we began to know this feeling.  First we played with Barbies, (actually my sister and I played with plastic animals more than Barbies, don’t ask me why) and then we watched Disney Princess movies. Around the age of 8, that’s when I began to get frustrated. Granted, I mainly got frustrated with Barbies because fitting their arms and legs through sleeves was quite a tedious process, in which I would get red in the face and beg my mom to help me.  Beside the point, we have been set up with these high and unrealistic examples of women ever since the beginning. At first we were oblivious. We were introduced to the ideal woman’s shape with Barbies and Disney princesses at young age. This isn’t to say that Disney movies weren’t a good influence, because all the princesses taught a good moral lesson, but many times people ignore the substance and purely take in appearances. They were all thin, beautiful, and perfect. In the beginning stages of watching these movies, I don’t think most of us noticed the difference of fantasy characters and real people. The dancing silverware was funny and entertaining and who didn’t want to ride on a magic carpet? But these movies, dolls, magazines, etc. presented us all with an unrealistic idea of beauty. It has been ingrained into our heads and even though beauty comes in all shapes, personalities, and looks, we all still have those set credentials lingering in our thoughts. Because of this, we will always look at others and wonder why we can’t look like them or be envious of what they have. This warps our thoughts, and leads to resentment and other drastic actions. You see a girl, a lot of the times one of your friends, and notice that boys like her more than the average person; this angers you. Or she has longer, silkier hair. Or has had more boyfriends, has better clothes, better makeup, legs, eyes, blah blah blah blah. Tell me one thing. How is thinking about this helping? Is it making you prettier? Is it making her uglier? Are you suddenly gaining all the things that she has and you don’t? The point I’m trying to make is that comparison and the jealous questions you ask along with it make no difference. In fact they just make it harder to like who you are and who that girl is. And it will ALWAYS be this way. You have to remember that you are you. And that is the best way to be. There are things that you excel in or that you can rock, that she probably couldn’t. We’ve all got little quirks that make us more likeable. Pretending to be someone else is boring and quite frankly a waste of time. You’ll never be that person and I believe it is better to be yourself without giving any apologies for it. Why waste your life acting like someone? You won’t even be getting paid for it.

So…. How do we stop reading into the fact that a boy didn’t respond back to a text? Or that he wrote on her wall instead of yours? Easier said than done, but don’t think about it. Don’t look at his facebook. Don’t look at her facebook. Enjoy life and don’t dwell on the other people’s relationships. Look at yours and be PROUD of them. Don’t compare yourself to other people… it is a never-ending merry-go-round of dissatisfaction. A close friend of mine once told me that it didn’t matter if someone didn’t like me, because I was loved by so many others and that’s all that mattered. Remember that. Being yourself and being genuine is the most cliché advice you can probably ever be given. But if you are yourself without worrying what others think, other people will love you for you and not because you’re trying to be “that girl.” And with knowing you are loved for being original, isn’t that the best kind of feeling?