To Think or Not to Think... That is the question.

Greetings one and all. If there is an all out there? Hello...? Anyone? I kid, I kid. So I have an extra long blog post to make up for the fact that it's been a good 3 or 4 months since I last posted. Enjoy! Thoughts, comments, opinions are mucho appreciated!

What is the root of all evil? Most of you are thinking something along the lines of Satan. This is very correct. Or sin perhaps… which you are also right again. But I believe right up there with the worst evils is "overthinking." Who’s done it? We all have. Without a doubt, I can guarantee you that you’ve done it. If you’re needing a reminder, let me refresh your memory. Today you probably rethought your outfit at least five times. Did you say it was going to be a bum day and that you didn’t care? That’s highly commendable, but how many times did you think about how horrible you looked, who would see you, or what they would think about your outfit? That’s just the first case of overthinking. I think we can all agree that there has been numerous times when you start to completely overthink a situation where absolutely nothing went wrong. Why do women constantly do this? I’m not saying I’m innocent…. I know from firsthand experience that the simplest thing can send us all into a frenzy. If someone doesn’t send back a good enough laugh, maybe looks at you in an indifferent way, or even just says hello in a mild tone, sometimes we go into hyperactive mode, thinking of all the scenarios in the past weeks wondering what could have possibly gone wrong. I’m extremely guilty in this way. I start to wonder if I passed them the salt too slowly or perhaps my last laugh sounded like an elephant getting over a cold. Overthinking creates a huge sense of paranoia and often just makes things worse. The more you think something is wrong, the weirder you begin to act. The weirder you begin to act, the more the other person notices, which just creates an atmosphere of awkwardness and then you’re both sitting there wondering what the hell went wrong and how to fix it. We’ll get to that in a minute. Before that I’d like to address the worst effect of overthinking which is…. (Drum roll please)… comparison.

Oh what a dangerous game to play. But it’s an instinct isn’t it? I think we can all acknowledge that since the age of 5, we began to know this feeling.  First we played with Barbies, (actually my sister and I played with plastic animals more than Barbies, don’t ask me why) and then we watched Disney Princess movies. Around the age of 8, that’s when I began to get frustrated. Granted, I mainly got frustrated with Barbies because fitting their arms and legs through sleeves was quite a tedious process, in which I would get red in the face and beg my mom to help me.  Beside the point, we have been set up with these high and unrealistic examples of women ever since the beginning. At first we were oblivious. We were introduced to the ideal woman’s shape with Barbies and Disney princesses at young age. This isn’t to say that Disney movies weren’t a good influence, because all the princesses taught a good moral lesson, but many times people ignore the substance and purely take in appearances. They were all thin, beautiful, and perfect. In the beginning stages of watching these movies, I don’t think most of us noticed the difference of fantasy characters and real people. The dancing silverware was funny and entertaining and who didn’t want to ride on a magic carpet? But these movies, dolls, magazines, etc. presented us all with an unrealistic idea of beauty. It has been ingrained into our heads and even though beauty comes in all shapes, personalities, and looks, we all still have those set credentials lingering in our thoughts. Because of this, we will always look at others and wonder why we can’t look like them or be envious of what they have. This warps our thoughts, and leads to resentment and other drastic actions. You see a girl, a lot of the times one of your friends, and notice that boys like her more than the average person; this angers you. Or she has longer, silkier hair. Or has had more boyfriends, has better clothes, better makeup, legs, eyes, blah blah blah blah. Tell me one thing. How is thinking about this helping? Is it making you prettier? Is it making her uglier? Are you suddenly gaining all the things that she has and you don’t? The point I’m trying to make is that comparison and the jealous questions you ask along with it make no difference. In fact they just make it harder to like who you are and who that girl is. And it will ALWAYS be this way. You have to remember that you are you. And that is the best way to be. There are things that you excel in or that you can rock, that she probably couldn’t. We’ve all got little quirks that make us more likeable. Pretending to be someone else is boring and quite frankly a waste of time. You’ll never be that person and I believe it is better to be yourself without giving any apologies for it. Why waste your life acting like someone? You won’t even be getting paid for it.

So…. How do we stop reading into the fact that a boy didn’t respond back to a text? Or that he wrote on her wall instead of yours? Easier said than done, but don’t think about it. Don’t look at his facebook. Don’t look at her facebook. Enjoy life and don’t dwell on the other people’s relationships. Look at yours and be PROUD of them. Don’t compare yourself to other people… it is a never-ending merry-go-round of dissatisfaction. A close friend of mine once told me that it didn’t matter if someone didn’t like me, because I was loved by so many others and that’s all that mattered. Remember that. Being yourself and being genuine is the most cliché advice you can probably ever be given. But if you are yourself without worrying what others think, other people will love you for you and not because you’re trying to be “that girl.” And with knowing you are loved for being original, isn’t that the best kind of feeling?

Detrimental Encouragement and SCREW BOYS edition

Hello all. All seems a bit vague considering I don't have any comments, but it seems like a necessary blog post greeting. Anyhoo.... Let's begin. As of lately, I've been thinking. Words of encouragement can be extremely destructive for a person's heart. I'm not positive how this whole thing works for boys, but as a girl I can tell you how it goes. Let's give it a run down. Girl meets boy. Girl possibly doesn't think anything of boy, until said friend (more like Cupid's advocate) slips in a little comment. It's not an obvious statement; it will be subtle. Perhaps its a "oh you two are hanging out! ;)" or " you two would be so cute together" or even my personal favorite "you two should get married/you fight like a married couple." And there it is. The deed has been done, innocence gone, and the poison has taken its course. Basically, you're screwed. You didn't even want to think about the guy this way, and now your brain has taken a tailspin, and you're already decorating the centerpieces for your wedding reception, regardless of whether or not you want too. Now when he walks in the room, you can't help but notice things about him you never have before, and you just hope he'll notice your outfit or the fact that you took the time to brush your hair cause you knew he'd be there. You've seen the light! You've met the one, all thanks to the random comment your friend made, which of course must have been in God's plan!.......... Wrong, wrong, and absolutely wrong. Maybe in a fantasy land or a rare situation does this actually work out, but I think most of us can nod our heads when I say that this situation rarely goes down well. The big question is, why do we let our brains get so out of hand? It's kinda basic when subsidized; we want to be loved. But even more basic than that is we are bored. A new person is appealing. Who didn't have a crush on the new boy in grade school and high school? If you're saying no right now then you're blatantly lying. We are tired of our surroundings and if the boys around us can't provide romantic entertainment, then maybe that new boy will give us some attention. Solution on this is simple: when your friend makes that sly comment, kindly tell them to shut their mouths (they'll take it well, they've experienced this before)  and take a step back from the situation. Is that man you sit next to in class your new Romeo? No.  Is the guy who helped you with Spanish going to be the next epic affair? Probably not. Is the boy who said hi and held the door going to get down on one knee? Chances are, not likely. Will there be a guy that falls madly in love with you, for you and not due to Cupid's tricky arrows? Absolutely. Our Maker designed it that way. But until then, be satisfied and entertained with your own life, regardless of your encounters with testosterone. This now leads to my next portion (I'll make it quick, I promise)...........

I'd like to give credit to my friends. A lot of the time, they are the ones who inspire me and probably the only ones who read this when I ask them too.Tonight, I was having the usual chat with my friend Erin when we were discussing the upcoming semester. She's going off to Rome( lucky girl) to explore and discover herself just like all the chick novels and "Eat, Pray, Love" suggest. But you don't necessarily need to cross the Atlantic to make that discovery and be excited about your own life. And you especially don't need a male counterpart to give you that excitement. So after evaluating my past summer of slight angst and a little heartbreak, Erin and I decided that I should "screw boys." Cliche, right? Also a promise that normally falls through at the first sight of a cute smile, nice hair, and soccer season beginning. But I say, why not. A semester without them! Time to work on my relationship with God and with myself. Because I recently discovered that finding boy isn't the ultimate goal, and the thirst of being wanted won't be quenched when you snag one. So I challenge the few of you that read this, to get motivated, give up the boys, and find excitement in your own life. Set a goal, get into a new hobby, or even do your homework? I know, I know, I'm asking a lot. Whilst working on prayer life and me, I've decided to train for a 5k. What's it gonna be for you?

Peace, love, and a lifetime supply of Gummy Lifesavers,

Olivia

The Anatomy of the Jerk

     Alright. I’ve been sitting here the past few months or so, desperately trying to come up with something to write about. I’ve looked at movies, imgfave.com, books, and even my friends’ lives to find inspiration.. and then finally, today, Sunday the 20^th of May, a light turned on in my brain. Why are girls so infatuated with the jerk?  Why are boys so infatuated with the girl that treats them like dirt? I think this is human nature’s primary unsolved mystery. But don’t deny it; everyone has been attracted to that bully at one point or another. It’s inevitable. And we’ve learned it from day one. In preschool, I had a massive crush on John Paul, who was nerdy and had glasses, but all the girls wanted him. He liked my best friend, thus ensuing some desperate and angsty actions on my part. What did I do after he denied me the role of pirate princess and handed it over to my best friend? I marched right up to him on the playground and laid a big wet one on John Paul’s mouth. Needless to say, this was not the way to go and he ended up hating me even more because of “cooties” and all that rot. However, we have always been told that boys and girls are mean to each other at a young age because they LIKE each other. This was very comforting at the time to hear from our parents, but honestly where did they come up with this idea? He shoves you into the dirt? He MUST love you, because clearly love stems from actions of physical abuse. Whether we wanted to believe this or not, it seems to have carried over to our adult/teen years. Many girls, myself included, have yearned after the boy that has no respect for you whatsoever. Could I tell you why we enjoy this misery? Absolutely not. Whoever figures that out is worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize. But I did realize the ridiculousness of our actions. We all desire to be wanted, to be loved and treasured. But this idea flees from our minds if we get just one opportunity to connect with “the jerk.” Picture this scenario: You’re at a party, looking good after an hour of getting ready and mentally convincing yourself that you look great, and there he is. Standing in the corner, is the jerk with his hat on backwards, dressed up in all his Abercrombie and Fitch glory, probably making a perverted comment or insulting some innocent girl who happened to make the mistake of walking past him. You make eye contact and all your confidence and morals fly out the window, because he’s suddenly looking down on you from his high horse. And you’re thinking “I don’t care if all I get is one hook up. It doesn’t matter, because he’s so hot and it’s worth it.” It’ll be fun is what you’re telling yourself. And heck, it will be fun for the night, but the next morning all you will feel is heart break and unworthiness, because he deemed you worthy of his 15 minute attention span. So think about this for what it’s really worth. Is heartbreak fun? What is fun about only being good enough to last a part of the night? How is that fun in any way at all? We are desperate to be loved, to be reassured that we are worthy of attention and it is clear in our instincts. Even in preschool, when I reached out to that boy, as silly and stupid as it was, my intention was clear from a young age: “Notice me. Love me.” And when we are rejected, the first thought is not “oh wow, that guy is a jerk” but rather “what’s wrong with me? Why am I not worthy?” So I ask this of you. Ladies, gents (if there are any at this point in time), don’t put yourself through this agony. Love yourself, because when you love yourself, you are telling the rest of the world that you are worthy, not just of a night of fun, but of a lifetime of happiness.

Love: A Crippling Blindspot

 Happy Valentine's Day people! I've got a new post for you. Expect another sometime in this next day. Special treat! Besides... what's Valentine's Day without some bitter romantic blogging? :)

The phone’s ringing again. Your phone has lit up with yet another text, facebook has a new inbox. What does it say this time? I want you back, baby I didn’t mean it like that, I’ve been thinking about you lately or any of the other phrases that ex that continually bothers you can come up with. Everybody has that person, whether it is an ex, someone you used to like, hookup buddy, or maybe just even the thought of a person, that is repeatedly hunting you down. The sad thing is majority of the time, we take them back. We listen to the excuses which in time will most likely wear away and become nothing. Why? Because I believe that love is blind. And no, not in that romantic, gooey Shakespeare sense. Love is so blinding, it leads us to forget all the things that have happened in the past, because we are feeling the need to be swept off our feet. All it takes is a few coaxing words and actions and then: hook, line, and sinker. We have a winner, and the ex is back for another round of lies, confusion, or just plain old heartbreak. So I ask this of you all, as hard as it may be, to not pick up the phone. I know that this person, or even the thought of loving this person again at one point in time brought you joy; I’m not saying that it’s something to regret completely. But keep in mind that this relationship, fantasy, whatever you will it to be, ended for a reason, and one of those reasons was because of the pain. I can guarantee you that 99.9 percent of the time, you will look back on this moment. Maybe, just maybe that moment will be the happiest of your life. Maybe it works out. But keep this in mind: love should NOT be blind. Love should see all, because loving someone isn’t becoming blind to their insecurities, faults, or flaws. Love is an all-seeing eye that has seen you at your very worst, and loves you regardless and because you are made that way.